Whos there? What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? Dont you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious? Why is England the wettest country? Funny responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like at a party or during a conversation with friends. 9. This response works because it makes it seem like you dont really care what the question asker wanted. We've been graced with our fair share of "dad" jokes, so-bad-they're-good puns, knock-knock jokes, and even some moments of pure stand-up comedy. What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? A tomato in an elevator. Explanation: This ones full of nods to music: Chopin and Bach were composers, and a minuet is a type of dance (and the music that goes along with it). Because it's not good to drink and derive. A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. They all are standing there awkwardly until one of them spots a stain on the carpet. What did the grape do when it was sat on? Why do oranges wear sunscreen? Just be careful: You can send some of these memes as a message to the right person: Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild? What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? *wink*. There was nothing left but de-Brie. Reporter: Excuse me, may I interview you?. He loses. Why did the pony have to gargle? Thanks a lot Sergios Rotar (hope i didn't make any typos. All while making the question asker look dumb. Explanation: Youve probably heard the saying If Ive told you once, Ive told you a thousand times. Well, consider this the math joke versionyou know, because math equations use letters in place of unsolved numbers. What do you call balls on your chin? Whats the difference between your job and a dead hooker? Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. Original don't care + didn't ask. Person . 16. Check out these hilarious whats the difference between jokes. 49. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a hand job. The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up and says that hes had the same dream, too. 2. Fuck you said. "Go to [site name]" "Open [site name]" Search in your apps or websites. 22. In cases like this, we need some clever comebacks to put them in their place. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Why are you listening if you dont know who asked? * You didn't ask me? A trip without kids. "Dick jokes, if you craft something amazing out of them, could be the funniest thing someone's ever heard. I decided to start smoking only after sex. Descartes replies, I think not and promptly disappears. Even thoughts can raise them. No, you did not, but everyone makes mistakes. Pilgrims. The bear shrugged. With a mon-key. What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? The sheer awkwardness of the situation should set in eventually and the person will walk away. Ivana. When they get to the ski lodge there arent enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. They're his watch dogs. How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Then it hit me. Why does bread take so long to digest? Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Why dont we see elephants hiding in trees? Whats the difference between attraction, love and showing off? It loafs. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. The sooner I shoot you, the sooner Ill get out of jail for it. When did I ask - slang Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake. Question and Answer Jokes What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? Well-armed. Others might even make you laugh so hard you cry, so don't say we didn't warn you. Explanation: A hyperbole is an exaggerated claimkinda like this joke. Why is Peter Pan always flying? The husband, surprised, pulls his out. Spoiled milk. . If you see me laughing, its because I already have. What did one say to the other? They always take things literally. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Explanation: Kleptomaniacs (people with the impulse to steal) take things literally because they literally take things. You planet. Also if I asked you wouldn't be talking. What did the leper say to the prostitute? Cereal. Because their horns don't work! They have many fans. 50 Dirty Comebacks and Insults to Win Every Argument, 25+ Baddie Comebacks Thatll Slay Any Situation, 32+ Sassy Comebacks Guaranteed to Silence Your Haters. Bernadette. What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentines Day? One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: it was the chicken. Finding out it was traced. Question: What is another name for female Viagra? He worked it out with a pencil. Cookie Notice If youre loving these clever jokes, youll get a kick out of these St. Patricks Day jokes youll want to share all year round. Youre bootiful, fancy going for a walk?! Not by a long shot. READ THIS NEXT:80 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At. Also, sometimes saying nothing is the right response. Embarrassed, and to spare her young sons innocence, the mother turns around and says, Dont worry. One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter. Her mom responded, Maria, they just wanted to see your panties! Maria replied, See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!. Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. Explanation: Gathering dust (and other dirt) is a vacuum cleaners sole purpose. I was at the funeral of a friend of mine. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. 100 Best Corny Jokes of All Time. This is another funny response that will leave them dumbfounded. What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? Oinkment. Someone complimented my parking today! Your parents didnt ask for you, but here we are. Here are some dark jokes to check out if you have a morbid sense of humor. Manage Settings 40. It can be used in a lot of contexts but usually, did I ask you? is more often than not a rhetorical question, with no answer being looked for.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[728,90],'grammarhow_com-box-3','ezslot_7',105,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-box-3-0'); The short answer is, yes. What do you call a pudgy psychic? Because they cantaloupe. Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own? Cancel its credit card. xhr.setRequestHeader('Content-Type', 'text/plain;charset=UTF-8'); Why are YOU shaking? But there are ways to counter it. Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?" Making love to a woman is like playing the violin. Im not sure how I feel about masturbation On the one hand, its pretty great. It usually confuses people first time hearing it but that's the point. I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? When did I ask. What do you call it when Batman skips church? 125 best Dad jokes 2020: cringeworthy, funny and downright bad jokes that will make you laugh Make your friends and family cringe with these god-awful jokes By Finlay Greig 17th Jun 2020,. It is used in two parts, (when) which is used when some tells you something irrelevant, then when they continue you say did i ask? But John came fifth and won a toaster. For more information, please see our He wanted to get a long little doggie. I'm thinking of a career where I estimate crowd sizes at different outdoor events. 8. Some are dead. Furthermore, he has teaching experience from Aarhus University. How does a squid go into battle? You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees? You could read it as seriously or as a joke didnt walk into the bar. If this made you roll your eyes, just wait until you read some of these dad jokes. If you know of some funny questions and Cortana replies that are not on the list, please share them in the comments section below. One slip of the tongue, and youre in deep sh*t. Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Whats even better than winning the Special Olympics? A penguin in the washing machine. 0 views, 0 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from BriannaPlayz: Escaping 100 Layers of ICE vs Crayons! Answer (1 of 77): @Danny Margulies "Did I ask you?" * No, but maybe you SHOULD have. What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? What did one wall say to the other? He ate the pizza before it was cool. A hooker can wash her crack and resell it. He kept leaving little messages around the house. What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? It needed help figuring out its problems. Buy any 10 and get 50% off. "Busted, now if you'll excuse me, I need to buy a pair of nice-looking men's overalls and Dr. Martens.". 3. She gave me an Australian kiss. Never mind, its too long., Two goldfish are in a tank. Aye matey. Hold onto your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob. Explanation: Marxists oppose class structures. 3. What's a foot long and slippery? See you next month. Me loving a good discussion ended up having a long disussion over the communists and now he and many others in our group believe i am a borderline nazi. We all want to have one of those cool moments where you say something really funny or clever in response to the very rude question did I ask you?. Whats 72? Because they use a honeycomb. What Is My Angel Number? I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. But grammatically speaking, whom is the object of the verb to., If Ive told you n times, Ive told you n+1 times. The line gained popular recognition in mid-June 2011. How did the mathematician deal with his constipation? Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. Because 7-8-9. 86 Funny Why Did The. "Whaddya mean?" } ); You come across as a person who has low self-esteem and is embarrassed to ask anybody for anything, for the fear of being refused or rejected again and again, so I did it on my own and to stop you from becoming a spectacle. Take my advice its not like Im dumb enough to. Waiter if I get my hands on you! What did the buffalo say when his son left for school? * No, but this is more stupid than anything I might have said. Your mom sure seemed to care last night. Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your faceonce you shove them down the stairs, that is. What did the card say when he didn't end up getting through the job interview? Dont use them at work or around children. Joke has 83.83 % from 129 votes. Why do bees have sticky hair? Answer: A Diamond Question: What did the cowboy say went he went into the car showroom in Germany? Well-armed. Life without women would be a pain in the butt, literally. The batroom. How you respond when someone says something you dont like is entirely up to you. If sex is a pain in the ass, then youre doing it wrong . Check out these funny one-liners that will give you the biggest laughs from the fewest words. 38. I love every bone in your body, especially mine. Clever responses are better suited for when in the company of people you want to impress. Whats the difference between a girlfriend and wife? What did the O say to the Q? Get out of here! shouts the bartender. Ones pretty heavy and the others a little lighter. Hope you do, too: Here come the longer funny jokes! A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. Think Im sarcastic? King Henry the Second. I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed! "No, I'm not, but don't take my word for it, ask your dad.". So the next time someone tells you, nobody asked, just let them have it with one of these witty comebacks. How did the pig get to the hogspital? What's black and white and goes round and round? Explanation: The setup of the joke calls for a To who? response, in which To is standing in for a person. Oh, that? sniffs the castaway. Why don't math majors throw house parties? What did the left eye say to the right eye? What did the dog say when it sat on some sandpaper? Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins? What did the policeman say to the bank robbing skunk? The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news.". You don't have to be rude or disrespectful when someone asks this question. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. I used to be addicted to soap. I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it. To. What does a 75-year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesnt? The guy in the middle says, Wow thats funny, I dreamed I was skiing., A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Read on for 39 riddle jokes that'll entertain the whole family. About. Spit, swallow, gargle. 39. This response is very clever because it makes it very clear that you contributed helpful information. Ask Google Assistant to go to a site in the Chrome app. Do you love telling jokes? The priest started a fire in the fireplace and found blankets and a sleeping bag but only one bed. Find out here! I cant wait to see her face light up when she opens it. 50 Brilliant Sarcastic Jokes That Will Crack You Up When You're Feeling Snarky By Mlanie Berliet Updated February 10, 2022 1. "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. just ask them why they are so insecure about things. The man. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! Lick-a-lotta-puss. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Oh, I didnt tell you? A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. Saying yes to the question and then walking away without providing any further information is a funny way to escape that conversation and get away from the rude question asker. Have you ever started to tell a joke only to forget the punchline halfway through? "You wait here, I'll go on ahead.". What does a pig put on dry skin? Hear that? Why did the cow jump over the moon? Why do geese fly south in the winter? A cancer-causing ingredient sparked the alarm, according to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Officials have announced that these frequently used products could result in infection. Ate something. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Why did the candle quit his job? Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. } A little horse. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? Where does the general keep his armies? Id never advise you to be rude, but I understand why some people are frustrated. "That . A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and cola.". I stood at the front, cleared my throat, choked back the tears, and said, "Plethora." Dont worry, said the doc. Beano Jokes Team. Three words to ruin a mans ego? You might like: 22+ Witty Comebacks for Rude People. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? When you die, what part of the body dies last? Now that youve learned 101 new short jokes to share with your friends, check out these classic Laffy Taffy jokes that will sweeten everyones day. Explanation: A Buddhist whos one with everything is connected to the universe. Because he neverlands. Because there were a lot of knights. What did the monster eat after it had its teeth taken out? Approximately one GB. I'm a helicopter! The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, the third nun couldnt reach. Explanation: Time is relative, especially to the entity that invented it. 3. (Walk. Dont assume thats not a major incentive. Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. 22. Well, if this is what they ask, here are some examples of witty comebacks you can use: "You've got very short hair, are you a lesbian?". Then why are you still talking? One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" With a little creativity and quick thinking, you can defuse the who asked bomb and keep the conversation going. His wife asked me if I could say a quick word. xhr.open('POST', 'https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', true); There is a conversation happening and you decide to give your opinion or correct a statement and someone looks at you and responds did I ask you? Its one of those moments where after the fact you think of something very funny or clever to respond with, but in the moment you are left in shocked silence. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. A lip reader. Confused by some of these clever jokes? While it may be tempting to give a rude comment a piece of your mind, doing so is unlikely to change the situation for the better. Well, I am 100% sure you did. Ivana fuck your brains out. Dont worryweve explained each one, so you can still wow em with your humor and smarts. If this made you giggle, youll love these food jokes. Explanation: Youd have to be insane to jump off a bridge and into the Seine, the river that runs through Paris. Here are over a dozen irreverent history jokes to share with your favorite history teacher or students. Assuming that the average lifespan of all these people was 25, there has been around 2.7 trillion years of life, if we multiply this by the number of days in a year (365), there is a total of 985,500,000,000,000 . Whos there? So what's the best way to get your child to tap into their funny side? Well, they're not laughing now! What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Broomates. Whos there? Then, use one of the above witty comebacks to shut them down! A meltdown. If you loved this, youll get a kick out of these dog puns. "I'm not sure; I was born with them.". She says, "Oh, it's like a dick but smaller." 36) The stork is the . What do you call an expert fisherman? I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. No harm in telling the truth, you werent asked and this response is extra clever because it doesnt give the question asker the reaction from you that they were looking for. Get ready: Some of what's to come is quite punny. No, the punchline comes before the setup when time travel is involved. A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, Anything you say can and will be held against you. The man replies, Boobs!. I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. Re-Morse code. Theres no menu: You get what you deserve. That's why we've rounded up that set of (clean) jokes for adults and kids alike that will have the whole family laughing. 13. A receding hare line. How do celebrities stay cool? In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got .css-k807px{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:brandColorSenary;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:#006603;-webkit-transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;background:linear-gradient(to bottom,#e6f4e1 0,#e6f4e1 100%);-webkit-background-position:0 100%;background-position:0 100%;background-repeat:repeat-x;-webkit-background-size:0 0;background-size:0 0;}.css-k807px:hover{color:#29511A;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;-webkit-background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;}dad jokes, jokes for kiddos, mom jokes, and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room. Because they're boy-ant. He was in a jam. Sometimes its just best to be clever in your response to make the other person seem dumb or silly. Every 'Who asked' copypasta. Learn about the best baby names out of Japan. 9. A receding hare-line. Ivana who? A chicken sees a salad. King Henry the Second who? Whats the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? He ate the pizza before it was cool. If you dont like what I have to say, you are free to walk away or share your own story. Anal makes your hole weak. Neeeooooooow! 45 lbs. You might enjoy: 24+ Clean Comebacks for Get a Life. A four-chin teller. We've even broken things down by category so that you know which jokes will land best among your audience. Knock knock. The German replies, "Nein, just one.". An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. On June 23rd, 2011, Neogaf [6] user NIN90 . This obviously isnt working out. So youre the only one? My mate says I'm getting fat, but in my defense I've had a lot on my plate recently. Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken up If youre not in prison. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The box a penis comes in. In a hambulance. []BMany people think of bully as one child pushing or hitting another, but bullying is not only physical. Whats the difference between being hungry and being horny? Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #whendidiask, #whendidweask . 3. Robin you, now hand over the cash.