To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. AdScale sets this cookie to target ads by registering the user's movements across websites. A cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface. ", 2. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. ", 16. "So, have a little fun. 01. 03 Mar 2023 16:21:02 "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. ", 14. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. It's so f**kin' heroic. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Fewer Texans. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.". George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. Used by Microsoft Advertising as a unique ID for visitors. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. In fact, sometimes you get the impression that theyre the only ones who vote. "If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? At all. These days, 'Trajedi. They own and control the corporations. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. ", 20. "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. You voted them in. ", 79. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts George Carlin, I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. George Carlin, I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president would have particularly peeved him. Maybe this time itll work. When you leave them in the morning they stick their noses in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you return eight hours later. ", 11. Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? It also helps in fraud preventions. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. . Trump did not fall to Earth from. StackAdapt sets this cookie as a Random Identifier for user identification, to display relevant advertisements. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. "Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". Learn how your comment data is processed. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. The v1st cookie is set by TripAdvisor to collect details about how visitors use the website, by displaying user reviews, awards and information received on the TripAdvisor community. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing. Over time, though, his success grew. 41. 1. "There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. ", 13. This is a consent cookie set by Dailymotion to store the CCPA consent string (mandatory information about an end-user being or not being a California consumer and exercising or not exercising its statutory right). Now one of his most famous routines has swept the internet a dozen years after his death. Thats what the owners count on. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. ", 81. Lobbying, to get what they want. ", 29. They own you. ", 47. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. ", Want more great quotes? A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. We're so self-important. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. This is the best we can do, folks. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. PayPal sets this cookie to enable secure transactions through PayPal. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. Others see it half empty. Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. The late comedian often times poked fun at religion, politics, and social justice. Try spelling Evian backward. Nothing changed. Like the public. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. ""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ", 90. He saw it from a . 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. Set by Bluekai, this cookie stores anonymized data about the users' web usage in an aggregate form to build a profile for targeted advertising. "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' ", 112. If he wants to just lecture with his opinions then he gets lectured back with other peoples opinions. "I was a loner as a child. So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. George Carlin Quotes On . "When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. An Adobe Analytics cookie that uses a unique visitor ID time/date stamp to identify a unique vistor to the website. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. ", 25. The Bachelorette's Angie Kent and Carlin Sterritt have been on holiday together in Vietnam the past week and sharing lots of glamorous selfies. I prefer dogs, because dogs don't care. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. "It helps to remember this.. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. ", Join half a million readers enjoying Newsweek's free newsletters. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' "We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Carlin is usually spot on. Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. This cookie is used to track the behavior of a user within the current session. This cookie is set by the provider The Guardian. You dont have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy at work. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a. You're down to seven. In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. "Don't give your money to the church. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! Prof Thuggy aka Professor Thug 32K views 1. -George Carlin There you are. Part of HuffPost Entertainment. Our country is failing because the majority of the people are selfish. People are stupid because, well, people are stupid. After that, they don't wanna know about you. This cookie is set by Rubicon Project and is used for recording cookie consent data. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. After that, they dont wanna know about you. 44. 4. of American cultural paradoxes.. OK? George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube George speaking the truth. Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. Germany lost the Second World War. This anonymous data helps us to better understand users' needs and customize the website accordingly. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. "Men are from. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. You don't. You have no choice. ", 116. On June 24, 2022, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade and ended a women's constitutional right to an abortion in the country. Because you have the illusion of choice. Never join a group that has a name. ''It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. You dont. they don't wanna know about you. ", 94. They dont give a fuck about you. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising. ", 85. Everybody complains about politicians. 1 Every year in January, WEF holds its annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. They've got you by the balls. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. ", 5. Forget the politicians. ", 8. What do you get at the end of it? The sp_landing is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. And they all vote. You know what they want? Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. Everybody complains about politicians. This cookie, set by PubMatic, is used to build a profile of user interests and to show relevant ads. "Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. You caused the problem. The 2023 theme was "cooperation in a fragmented world," with WEF noting, "The world today is at a critical inflection point. I have major psychotic f**king hatreds. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? ", 22. He has written many books full of brutally honest sayings and jokes, like Brain Droppings, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, Last Words, and more. - Gin Wigmore. "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. This cookie is set by the BlueConic. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. He loves you, and He needs money! I think the life cycle is all backwards. ", 120. [] I look at war a little bit differently. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! Politicians don't care about you. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a famous quote by the late, great comedian George Carlin on Twitter. Theyll get it. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. Religion is like a pair of shoes, you have to find the one that fits you. You have owners. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. George Carlin quotes are hilarious. This cookie is used for implementing audio files on the website. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". Good honest hard-working people white collar, blue collar, it doesnt matter what color shirt you have on. ", 19. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Then youre just what theyre looking for. They dont want to hear from you. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. ALEX COHEN, host: Carlin died yesterday of heart failure. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. Honestly, I'd lean towards anarchist. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". ", 9. Don't miss a beat. This cookie supports the website's live support provider. 43. "People are fucking nuts. This ensures that the cookie consent box will not be presented again upon re-entry. If you think too much, you will be left behind by everyone. They don't care about you at all -- at all -- at all. George Carlin : Designed to scare and control primitive people. Deal with it. ", 97. They own all the important land. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. ", 76. The ID is used for targeted ads. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Now come the lawsuits, Weird Texas GOP bill would give big tax cuts only to hetero couples with lots of kids, Libs Of TikToks Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, 5 times The Onion brilliantly skewered J.K. Rowlings & The New York Times transphobia, A right-wing podcaster tried to smear Pete Buttigieg. ", 34. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. You'd have people tuning in don't even care about football! Theyre not interested in that. Enter your email address below then click "FOLLOW" to receive email notifications of new posts. ", 10. Chartbeat sets this cookie to store information about when a visitor has visited the site before. George Carlin on The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder 1998 RayHamburger 95K views 4 years ago George Carlin on the Illusion of Choice in Politics. They should be more vivid. It will not be with jack-boots. 123 Rocky_Roku 1 yr. ago Didn't he say that he despised liberalism just as much as conservatism? And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. George Carlin, I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. "I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Thell get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin place. ", 4. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. "I put a dollar in a change machine. This cookie is associated with Django web development platform for python. Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? "If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. "I don't believe anything the government tells me.". Two decades later, the anti-abortion movement hasn't really changed. It takes up a lot of your time. "It helps to remember this.. G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. Broadly speaking. ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. On Election Day, I stay home. I didn't bother with him. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. They should be more vivid. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? "Atheism is a non-prophet organization. But once the child is born? These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. "Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. That doesnt help them. "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both f**ked. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Answer (1 of 12): He was a liberal. 'George Carlin - Life Is Worth LosingRecorded 5 Nov 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New YorkReleased: January 10, 2006Audio-visual content monetised by copyright claimant, MPI Media "Never argue with an idiot. Thats all it is. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. Where are these people hiding? ", 105. After that, they dont want to know about you. Good honest hard-working people continue these are the people of modest means Continue to elect these rich cocksuckers who dont give a fuck about you. The late George Carlin was a genius with words, a deft dasher of conventional logic, and a master observer (and master-baiter!) Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? Everybody complains about politicians. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. This is set on the first visit of the visitor to the site and updated on subsequent visits. F*ck Hope. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. ", 111. ", 117. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. ", 35. The ad-id cookie is provided by Amazon Advertising for tallying user actions by tracking ad clicks on other websites, to provide targeted content. "The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. This cookie is used to manage the interaction with the online bots. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. The _ga cookie, installed by Google Analytics, calculates visitor, session and campaign data and also keeps track of site usage for the site's analytics report. ", 3. You dont. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife.