I'm already half way there, since I conclusivly proved (in Physics class) that gravity actually causes things to slow down and EVENTUALLY GO UP! It's a worthy cause! And secret? There ARE aliens. *enter Squirell* What's that, little Squirell? Until thenI have absolutly no imaginary money. Do you know story about the longest story in the world? 1,288 words and many clauses make up the lengthy run-on phrase. To compound things, I wasn't alone, and things just escalated. I've just gotten an idea for some more, original, fortunesI gotta go! I figured you rush right on over to e-mail me. Big Brother may be listening right now so I beter go. This is going to be a WORLD RECORD! You feel very, very honored. I see you have no reaction to that, do you Hypothetical Reader? There MUST be some sort of conspiracy involved, 'cause if there is, I can get rid of the EVIL thing! You know the one. What if, eventually, Earth's gravity get's very very strong, and we all imploud from the squishyness? Oh, yeah! I'm gonna quit for now. i cannot feel my feet. Otherwise, I guess you're stuck with me. Sometimes I crack myself up. But my idiotic body has an automatic alarm clock, or something. Does the commercial take that into account? Perhaps Kodak is actually a front organization for a shadowy governmental system that controls the entire world and didn't want mankind to obtain the freedom of the stars and so tried to sabotauge the space program even though it didn't work as well as they planned. We slept. consisting of 1,288 words and who knows how many different kinds of clauses. Or maybe not. Ha! I gives you imaginary IOU'shereyours. Far away. Hmmmmintersting. Did you really think I'd give you guys my ADDRESS? PARTS BREAK AFTER OVERUSE!! I have readers. I have more stuff to write, but I gotta go right now. Today, I met her arch-enemy. Or his mom did. WANNA SEE ME PULL A TAPEWORM OUTTA MY ****!! I thought of a topic on the way home, but forgot it. The vendors get oodles of cash, and the kids get ice cream. That also explains why normal stuff confuses me. *pauses* *groans* I'm sorry for that pun (pierced, hooked, getit?). This Book Is the Longest Sentence Ever Written and Then Published (2020), by humor writer Dave Cowen, consists of one sentence that runs for 111,111 words, and is a stream of consciousness memoir. Although I acted like an idiot. If I had 500np with me, I'd be at-500. Either way, I'm continuing to sort of entertain myself. That will be a wonderous day. It will be a truly magestic site, as it launches from the earth, spewing excess oxygen, cardboard, feathers and tape. But then, I'm meand you're you. I rule the Internet! I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Maybe fact check before coming up with such blatant lies. To Cheese Nips. Number Nine: Now it's just getting redundant, isn't it? She didn't know. I'm so special. Geee.that is comforting. Which would be boring. It's also a pretty prime example of how homonyms (words that share spelling and pronunciation but have different meanings) can really confuse things. THE REST OF THE STUFF I TYPE WILL BE COMPLETLY IN CAPS JUST BECAUSE I CAN. Just like how many licks it takes to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop. My definition of fasion includes clothes, shoes, jewelery and all things of that nature. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. You're only browsing it. Now, those have possibilities. As in, I was half-asleep, hoping that we'd arrive while I slept. and even if they could it wouldn't do them any good because it would scare them instead of the aformentioned individual. What ever shall I do? And hotand smoky. How do you stop them? You people sicken me. It's early. Get the best cultural and educational resources delivered to your inbox. But I'm sure that if I just would have put my mind to it, I could have done it. It means that WAL-MART TV IS EVIL! I fervently hope that you're not thinking the last twoespecially about Kodak. Then, she accidently woke our three yappy dogs up, and they relized that they were in a car. Too bad. They associated tans with hard, manuel labor. Hits all right. 44 min ago These people have obviously suffered major brain damage from their prolonged exposure to the sun. I just thought that I might like to mention that. BEWARE YOUR TOASTER OVEN! And then go door to door distributing it. He would do everything in his power to keep his dream from becoming reality. I hadn't had a genuine sugar rush since I was 11. Woooo! Where is the logic in this? Or maybe not. Hmmmmtime for #3You can obsessive over ANYTHING, and people will think nothing of it. The whole meal thing was about the only interesting thing to happen during the week. It's the sequel to the movie that revolutionized the standard by which we judge special effects. Longest Sentence By Rebecca Jones, Arts Correspondent. 'a' being the shortest side, 'b' being the middle side and 'c' being the longest side of a right angled triangle. This sentence makes strategic use of the past perfect, two times. If that's not a vast conspiracy, then nothing on this Earth is. What's that. I can just see Hot Dog, and Pizza trucks roaming the neighbor hoods, selling treats to hungry childrenand adults. The following text may spoil the movie for you, so WARNING: do no read this unless you have already seen the movie. This is just way too much of a change at once. But I'd like to take this time to thank the 2 and 1/2 people in the entire universe who have bothered to read this entire thing. Entire novels hundreds of pages long have been written in one sentence in other languages. Aren't you happy? In other words, they take all that extra "stuff" out to make it pure. That way I can spread my love, joy and insane chaos to more people! One of these people (who shall remain nameless untill such time that I have explicit permission to use her name) turned out to be almost as weird as me. Since all that nifty air isn't pressin' on you, your guts and stuff are free to go wherever they want, and the EVIL little things decide to roam around. Halfway though I used my four remaining brain-cells to decide that the game was dumb. The possibilities are literally endless. That means I really can justify claiming to have two and a half readers! According to someone you problem don't know, this is the second most pointless website ever! I SENSE YOUR ENVY OF MY NECK!! Our mind's cannot conceive of the vastness of infinity. I few months ago I saw a movie about that. The World's Largest Maths Problem Has Been Solved, And It. This is a list of unusually long mathematical proofs. Oh, well. Goodbye for nowNow I'm back. With our patented "spray". Right? Now, Moose has seen many feathers, birds even. She's evil. I'm back again! The moon has one-sixth of Earth's gravity. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Okay. She likes sniffing potentially dangerous stuff, like electrical sockets. Today, I was checking out some weird news. Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? Hey, I'm once again: back. Number Three: I could have studied and stuff. The magic eight-ball is a plastic casing with an unknown, possibly toxic liquid inside. *scrunches eyes and makes funny sounds* Nope. Apparantly my standards of weird have gone up. In a recent article, humorist Dave Barry discussed the addictive quality of the snack food, Cheez-Its. I have once again caused that explody sensation in your brain meats! Then I completly understand. I'm pretty sure you're not mebut you could be that other guy. In conclusion, Ladies and Gentlemenif you implement my idea, there will be peace and prosperity for all. (on accident, vast number of times) Hee-Hee! You cannot follow the vast, mind-boggling logic that is ME! Pastebin is a website where you can store text online for a set period of time. Speaking of publishing, I do plan on somehow, someday publishing this as the first rambling narrative that makes no sense, and is about as interesting as rereading the almanac. I get done at 9:15. Can a senile person write? We're not sure. Or suffer my blindingly moronic nail messages. That means I take four classes this semester and four different classes next year. *drags reader back* See, I knew you'd stay! And John F. Kennedy (JFK) was an alien bent on global domination. CHEESE!!! Longest Sentence. When I pressed her, she confessed she didn't know what chrisianity was. She claimed that my little sister always did it to her, and she was getting pay-back. That's not fair! We have halloween and christmas pictures on the NeoPics link. Then, when I win 500 additional np, I move to the 500np point. THen we go to library. Guess what I wanna do. Using prior knowledge, I deduced that Mrs. X was full of crap. And really angry, and confused. But you'd never prove it was infinite. I've decided to imortalize the stupidity of my dog, Moose. Especially that duct tape. Gotta go, must lure innocent victems to the second most pointless site ever!!!! The author's vision was unique in that only he put biscuits and death in the same sentence. Not a member of Pastebin yet? This is just a pointless excursive in spelling errors and grammatical imprecision. It's great for making random topics weave together to form an overall infrastructure of chaos. TACO is still in my heart. I ended up writing things during the time of night when EVERYTHING is hilarious, including the word sheep. I'm back. I hope I remember doing this. I only signed up for a semester. YeahI knowpathetic. I put hyphens in both of his titlesit must be a conspiracy! There are now longer sentences in English writing. Isnt' that nice? Okay, better leave. And do I ever have a topic today! I am now barophobic (afraid of gravity). . Now, some of you are probably calling me a whiner, 'cause you have to get up at 4:30, or whatever. Whatever the case, I decided that the whole world, (or three of four random people) deserve to know that if the world and or universe are destroyed, it's the evil, little, white, feather's fault. "Mr. Owl, can you tell us how many licks does it take to get to the bottom of a tootsie pop?" We'd probably go crazier. There were many people that were the same age as me and my siblings (no one in the room but us were under 30) Us kids had to be dragged kicking and screaming from the bar ( I almost fell asleep during the last game I watched) As we left, there was a feeling of goodwill and fellowship between all(my sister locked me out of the car and wouldn't let me in untill I started yelling profanity in her general direction) The high point of the entire night was when my mother gave me $21 for my report card. NO, wait. I'm leaving. But none have struck terror in her little moose heart like this particular feather. It doesn't matter. In Math, one teeny, tiny little mistake will make you get the entire thing wrong. Are you surprised? Especially since I don't have viewers. He once said, It was Faulkner at his most involuted and incantatory who most enchanted me. The current record holder for the longest english sentence is Jonathan Coe for his staggering 33-page, 13,955-word sentence in The Rotters Club, 2001. It doesn't. Right now, I have another twenty minutes on the Internet before I'm gonna watch T.V. who keeps asking if you can hear him. Okay, quote is done. Oh, by the way, I was paid a decent compliment today. This is chaos. He even tried to hide the sword behind his back! Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. It was uncomfortable in the back, it was too hot, it was too cold. My mom did it to her because it was free. Spooky, huh? The very next day, she decided that we were going north, after all. My school system is stuck in the pastand formal attire meansa dressa white dress(for those you who never bothered to find outI am indeed female). Okay, this next rant has nothing to do whatsoever with Halloweenwhich is to be expected because it's been several days since then. I bet it does. Now I want all you loyal fans*cricket chirps* to go to the link to see what I'm like. Yes, I am. Unless you have a digital camera, which are a symbol of freedom from the old ways and willing enslavement to the new ways. Below is an example of a reply email stating that you have received the email. If you can spare any of these items, please e-mail them to me. Next to the Really Big Button, of course. Im gonna start quoting from the Flaming Chicken Handbook! That's just silly. To think, YOU are trying to tell ME that YOU aren't here. I just can't work up the energy to be outraged. GrrrrI had a nifty rant all planned out in my head. Come on everyone, group hug. *yawn* I'm back. Oooo..I'm a poet, and don't I know it? I needs the duct tape! I don't mean to insult you if you DO have a tan. This confirmed my suspicion that she only went so that she could have the use of the church's playground equipment. I've been playing one of the new neopets slot machines (black pawkeet). Were hoping to rely on our loyal readers rather than erratic ads. * (*Not a guarantee) (Next commercial)Have you ever wondered why food sometimes goes bad in your fridge, even if you've only had it a few years? I'm not sure how I CAN be brief since I have absolutly nothing to say. In any case, she is clearly insane. Last night I was super-charged with lots of sugar and not a lot of sleep. He always enjoyed it because it meant that somewhere, he was the Supreme Dictator of the Galaxy. You see, my school has "block" scheduling. Who'd thought that I could use time that many times in only a few sentences? In otherwords, she's a small yappy dog who is big for her breed. No one has even bothered to e-mail them to me*sniffle*. Yeah. At the same time, how can you prove something IS infinite? The vendors even play whimsical music which I strongly suspect contains subliminal messages to make you hungry for ice cream. OkayI admit it. Now no one can ever say that I don't take care of my viewers. You can just picture sterotypical pirates saying, "A vast ye mateys!". Now, a long time ago, people were sort of smarter. And today's rant is a sort of philosophical one. Parents would buy their children computers, video games and other television neccesities. Waitaren't I already doing that? But, my stupid internal alarm clock is starting to wake me up around six. The first time, I didn't save it. you will all suffer as i have suffered when and if you graduate. Make your wife happy by sending her any of these romantic long paragraphs here. I'm back, and I had yet another Asparagus War with some people. School is taking its toll. API tools faq. If the facts beg to differ, than the facts are wrong. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Meanwhile there is a vast conspiracy at school to keep me ignorant about my pawn roll in the other vast conpiracy by keeping me vastly bored. In the mean time, I'll just sit here and type with my eyes closed. Even though it gains pleasure from squishing my spine. Sowhen the oracle said that the choice had already been made, she was completely correct. THey might havve been important, but we keep forgetting them. In school, back before I even owned a computer, I'd type random words for long periods of time, 'cause I had nothing better to do. After all, I'm not in this line of buisness for the fame, fortune and power. Yeah. i wandered around for 20 minutes looking for a cell phone. It's an outrage! Were also on Pinterest, Tumblr, and Flipboard. You cannot deny the logic of my thinking! And I sugest that we build the rocket so that we can go to the Official Flaming Chickens Lunar Colony so that we can laugh at the stupid earthlings who are blowing up because they didn't listen to us when we tried to warn them about the impending doom! Reading requires perseverance, but once you get into the flow, its like dipping into Faulkners stream of consciousness. Now MY brain meats feel explody. Untill such time that I have more. Are you happy? about my site, and called me weird. I tend to make those tiny mistakes, and get bad grades, even if I understand the concepts. The food trucks could even play music that made you hungry for their food. Oh, sorry, I thought you knew I was a furry. However . There have been several claims for the longest sentence in the English language revolving around the longest printed sentence. So, it is now up to you, the imaginary reader, to decide whether I mean probley or problemit's almost like a game! So it doesn't matter. When I related this story to my friends (including "Meg") they thought it was hilarious. Either way, I'm here. Gotta goI think I hear a catchy jingle. If iI fill out the fake tab form I'm gonna have to put back as my favorite wordI already have filled it out, though. That's why. It's okay. Code: 742 of the Flaming Chickens Handbook states that in no part does the Patron Saint of Paper Clips (That's still me!) I better stop typing before I have a heart attackjust rememberThe Matrix has youI'm back. Kennedy?" Thank you Squirell. Not only that, but how do you know that YOU actually exist? Of course, if everything is realthen the Universe is pretty contradictory. *content sigh* There we gothat's much better. Death is like life in that after you die some things start life again inside of you. I know. Or whatever. We have ZIM, neopets, music, and much, much, more. Anyway, moving on! (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Define three functions: the first function to extract all the sentences, the second to determine the longest sentence, and the third to determine the average sentence length. All contents of this site were designed for entertainment purposes only. Is this writer's block?! I gave up in exasperation. WAIT JUST A POLYP PICKING MINUTE!! E-mail. "Yep, Bill, time to dump the arsnic in so it tastes pure!" Or what if you took big ol' slobbery licks? No matter how unlikely something is, if the universe is infinite, it's happening an infinite number of times. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Everyone, clap for "Meg".I gotta goseeya later! You say it didn't let you out? (Like alternate dimensions and stuff) So, there is a world where you are the creator of this Longest Text Ever. You're shocked at my selfish, bad, memory. I repeat, lock all you doors and windows, this is it. *sniffle* I feel so sorry for you! Robinson was sentenced in 1997 for the kidnapping and rape of a 12-year-old girl. Except those specially formulated for weird-o's like me. A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! You could travel in a straight line at the speed of light for a million years and all you'd prove is that the universe is really, really big. Using my philosopy, that EVERYTHING exists because the universe is infinitewellthink about it. Why can't I have more readers?! How absurd. Still later that day, she got offended at some trivial thing and decided that we weren't going anywhere at all. To prevent this, I did nothing. Did you know that there is over two miles of air sitting on you right now? I see. I learned this from my calculator. You don't belong here. I'm sure some so called "scientist" can prove all my theories wrongbut how? Bye! Thank you for sending me this email. After all, look how long this text is. Because nature supposidly abhors a paradox. That means my pointless obsession has actually entertained someone besides me! That's what they need to do with the water. After graduating with a BA in Fashion and Textile Design in 2013, Emma decided to combine her love of art with her passion for writing. Today, in my (Honors) English class, we did group work. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. I'd probley come here, but that isn't much of a surprise. c)I have an extremly irrational fear of that. The experimental writers sentence style inspired hundreds of writers since, including Samuel Beckett, Virginia Woolf, F. Scott Fitzgerald, James Joyce, and other masters of modern literature. No one is really coming here, anyway. If you don't believe that all that air has weight, try going into space sometime. Maybe we're just really, really tired and had sugar. In any case, wouldn't the blinkie light help night-vision cameras see in the dark? Are you ready? By continuing to use Pastebin, you agree to our use of cookies as described in the. It even SOUNDS weird. My dad. *g8ggles* bye. I tell people I know about this site, but they either ignore this page, or don't even bother coming to the site in the first place. Perhaps you don't have time to waste e-mailing me. I'm finnaly back! I'm allergic to parts of it, have irrational fears about others and I'm pretty sure it's against my Jenny religionalong with eating mashed potatoes, or potatoes of any kind. What does this mean to you? Some people disagree, the director of the Kansas Geological Survey said "I think this is part of a vast breakfast food conspiracy to denigrate Kansas. So my dad picked a steak place. OkayI'm backI think that eventually half of this thing will consist of the word back over and over againthat's just weird. Come on all you non-existing people! But I can't think of anything to write about. Past editions of The Guinness Book of World Records have listed this record. She was extremly upset. I know, I took you completly by suprise. I'll will most likely still be adding to this on my death bed. What makes them undesirable for pie? And what did he do to me? No? Though the record has been broken, Faulkner's legacy lives on. I can just see it nowan organization devoted not to feeding the hungry, or peace, or love or whatever, but to giving recognition to all those poor, pathetic, unpopular websites.